Secret 46: Give Help to Others

"If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path", Buddhist saying


Would you like to:

• live longer
• have a better quality of life while you are alive
• enjoy lower blood pressure
• lessen your chance of getting a stroke
• have lower stress levels?

Simple.  It's in your hands.  Choose to be helpful. My father always said: "Given the choice, you are always better off being in a position in which you are able to help others than to find yourself in a position of having to rely on the help of others."

Numerous studies have shown that helping others provides you with the following benefits:

you feel part of a larger community

you feel cherished and valued

you have higher self-esteem

you feel empowered

this reduces any loneliness you may have

it makes your life more worth living

it creates the desire to stay alive

it gives meaning to your life

Life does not exist in isolation

In Western culture we value the ability of the individual to help him- or herself.  However, as John Donne wrote in 1623 in Meditation XVII: "no man is an island, entire of itself". One of the most interesting insights I gleaned from Jill Bolte Taylor's book: "A Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey" is the difference between the two sides of the brain. One side is the selfish, individual side that is vested in its survival (and fears death), the other side is selfless, understands and accepts its dependence and interconnectedness with other living beings and considers itself a minuscule part of a greater universe (and is more accepting of death). The latter supports our desire to help others. The long-living and healthy Okinawans call this 'yuimaaru' or mutual aid and reciprocity. 

The healthiest thing you can do (especially if you are prone to self-pity) is to go out and help someone less fortunate for, no doubt, most people are less fortunate. When you shift the focus away from yourself, when you stop thinking about your worries and when you put your concerns aside and start thinking about how you can help someone else AND when you take action, your health will benefit. Sally Beare mentions a study by the University of Michigan that concluded that selfish people die younger than helpful people.  Bitter, angry, inconsiderate people derive less enjoyment from life and make other people's lives miserable.  Who do you want to be? 

The fact that you have access to a computer and are reading this means that you are in a better position than most. A majority of humans are more concerned with obtaining food for themselves and their children, being safe and having a roof over their head than spending time surfing the Internet. Especially those that suffer from minor mental illnesses benefit from seeking solutions to other people's real problems than masticating on their own perceived and often imaginary problems. Rather than focus on yourself, allow your attention to wander away from yourself and reach out and make someone else's life better - even if it only for a split second.  

The easiest way to do this is to build the world's shortest and fastest bridge -- smile. In my twenties, I backpacked around sub-Saharan Africa and was always struck by how uninhibited and spontaneously people would respond to my smile. When I returned to the 'civilized' world, in response to a kind smile on the subway, I would receive suspicious glares or be ignored. So whenever possible, smile at others. More often than not the other person will return your smile and for a split second you are both in a better position.

But don't stop there - 'pay it forward'. For example, when paying at the cash register you might choose to throw some pennies in the change cup, or pay a few extra dollars towards the grocery bill of the next person standing in line, or pay the toll at the highway for the motorist behind you. Perhaps you have an unexpired parking ticket that you can pass on to a fellow motorist? If you have made the world a better place through one daily action, no matter how small, you will sleep better at night.

Look through your possessions and decide what you can live without. Really think you need all that stuff? Have a look at what one 20 year old decided was enough:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/03/hobo-nick-kleckner-walks-florida-california-video_n_1936575.html

Hobo Nick walked from Florida to California, and still gave away money that was given to him.

Donate the unnecessary items or sell them and give your proceedings to a charity of your choice.  If you are concerned about wasteful overhead in charities - when it is 'other people's money', the money is never handled as conscientiously - then give it directly to a person who needs it more than you do. I had a friend whose mantra was to always give the first beggar he saw that day some money. He did not have enough to be able to help every beggar who crossed his path but wanted to contribute as regularly and as fairly as possible. The person who is helpful does not feel helpless, and who wants to feel helpless?

You do not need money to help. You can give time. Help shovel that snow off your aging neighbor's driveway, or help out in your kids' schools. Help immigrants improve their English (or Russian or Arabic), or help collect clothes for the needy. Help look for that missing child.  Do you have access to a car? Help with transportation. Bring a meal to a friend who just gave birth or who's child is in the hospital. Just listening to someone who needs a shoulder to cry on makes a huge difference.  Make the time to listen to your loved ones.  Focus on that story your child is telling you - the chores can wait (they are always there, your child will one day grow up and leave). There are so many ways you can add a ray of sun to the lives of your fellow human. Dig deep into your creativity and you will come up with endless options on how to help someone in greater need than you. 

Others have said it more succinctly:

What goes around, comes around.  Anon

Treat others as you would like to be treated.  Anon

In giving you are throwing a bridge across the chasm of your solitude.  
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Wisdom of the Sands

When you dig another out of their troubles, you find a place to bury your own.  Anon

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.  Nelson Henderson

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.  Winston Churchill

Give.